We Have to Stop Meeting Like This
by A Midnights Dream
Summary: Crack Fic, LinkxPipit. Every nightfall, Skyloft's green-clad Hero makes his ascent to the Academy's rooftop, waiting for his senior to appear on patrol and impress him. Oh, how many ways to get your attention? How can I possibly tell you 'you're the man for me' *what I make Link do to Pipit whenever I see him patrolling in the game* Serenading, Blowing and Whips-Oh my!


**We Have to Stop Meeting Like This…**

By A Midnights Dream

Disclaimer: All characters, items, places and themes mentioned within this story have been created and are licensed by Nintendo. So if you're with SOPA get off my ass.

* * *

"_He should be arriving soon…"_ A pair of crisp blue orbs anxiously watched the path that preceded Skyloft's Knight Academy. The sleek man crouched upon the roof of said building, scouring the courtyard below for any signs of movement; any indication that _he_ might be approaching. The open courtyard in front of the sparring hall was bathed in bright silvery light from the full moon. It was almost like it was day time outside, except for the deep shadows that clung to the corners and edges of buildings. It would be very easy to spot _him._

The man on the roof anxiously shifted about. He was very excited and was having a hard time staying still. _"He should be here any moment now. He patrols every evening…aaah, finally. He's here."_

* * *

Pipit truly enjoyed his evening patrols. There weren't too many monsters that made their way on to the Academy grounds. So there was little actual fighting. The air was always crisp and cool and quiet. He exhaled a calming breath. After a day of hard study it was nice to just be alone and take a walk.

He passed under the small tunnel-like passage that connected the Academy's entrance to the court yard in front of the sparing hall. Once he emerged from the other end he was bathed in silvery moonlight. It was so bright out here tonight. As usual, the knight stopped for a moment to stretch out and pop his shoulder muscles.

It was then, while Pipit was blissfully stretching, that a tall, dark shadow cast over him. A moment later a loud, discordant cacophony of noise erupted from the Academy's roof right above Pipit's head. It was so loud and so sudden Pipit yelped in surprise and yanked his blade from his sheath, turning towards the source of the noise.

When he looked up he saw the dark silhouette of a tall, lean man lit up by the giant, glowing moon at his back. _Who is that?_ Pipit asked himself. The noises started again and Pipit realized that whoever it was had a harp in their hands and was randomly stroking their fingers across the delicate strings; back and forth, back and forth in a very fast manner. The resulting noise sounded humorously awful and totally random. The notes were going all over the scale.

"Who are you!" Pipit yelled over the discordant noise.

The mystery person stopped their playing and took one step over the side of the building and began to plummet to the ground feet first.

"Hey!" Pipit called out in concern. That was a two story building, for the Goddess's sake!

The person who jumped from the top of the building landed lithely on their feet without so much as even a stumble or a give to his knees. Once the mystery person had landed in the court yard they became bathed in the eerie moonlight. Pipit's brow furrowed in shock and confusion at who he saw emerge from the shadows.

"…_Link_?"

Said swordsman had two, serious, blue eyes fixed on the senior Knight in front of him. Link's expression was one that Pipit found hard to place: His face was void of any emotion, his mouth was set into an emotionless line. And his eyes—those _eyes_ of his—they stared at him so intensely, they were so still. After doing something so…weird, how could he possibly be so gravely serious? Pipit and Link became enveloped in a thick awkward silence.

"…Uhm..." But before Pipit could speak another word, Link started off with his terrible harp playing again. "Link, what're you-?"

Link began to run in tight circles around Pipit, all the while strumming furiously at his manly harp. The noise crescendoed until ultimately Pipit had to cover his ears from the harsh noise. Seriously—_Why _was Link doing this?

"Link!" Pipit shouted over the horrible noise and immediately, without warning, Link stopped and began staring at him again. Pipit was so confused. What was this weird behavior all about? What was he doing? And _why!_

Pipit stared at his friend dumb founded. Honestly, what do you _say_ to a person after something like that happens?

Then in the blink of an eye, Link stepped around Pipit and sprinted to the front yard, down the stairs and out of sight.

"Link wait!" Pipit called out to his classmate. But either he didn't hear him or he didn't want to come back. "…That was…the strangest thing that's ever happened to me…" Pipit murmured to himself and resumed his patrol after a brief spell of pondering.

* * *

It was ten o'clock at night. It had been approximately an hour since Pipit's…_weird_…encounter with Link. He was still trying to figure out what that was all about. Maybe he was just trying to freak him out. Well if that was his goal then he certainly achieved it. Big time.

Pipit was roaming the Court yard when something small and round appeared in the sky in front of the moon. Pipit calmly unsheathed his sword. A Keese perhaps? It appeared to be the same size as one, and could fly. The thing angled toward the ground and made a swift decent towards Pipit. The senior knight spread his stance in anticipation. No keese could scare him.

But as the thing got closer it looked less and less like a Keese; its wings sounded almost mechanical and it resembled…a _giant green beetle?_ Now Pipit was puzzled. What's more, it seemed to have the glowing bud of a heart plant clasped between its metal pinchers. The beetle waited until it was directly over head before it released its cargo. The small red heart started to fall to the ground slowly, flitting like a snow flake. Pipit watched it fall with his brow furrowed and his mouth hanging slightly agape.

"…Ok…What the fuck…?" Pipit was thoroughly freaked out.

A small noise sounded behind him causing Pipit to spin around on his heel. After all these strange happenings tonight his nerves were on edge. He had just enough time to see a movement of dirty blond hair behind the Talking Sheikah stone a few yards away from him. Link had just the top of his head and his two blue eyes peeking out from over the top of the stone.

"_Seriously? Does he think I can't see him?"_ Pipit said to himself, his irritation level rising. "…Dude…What are you doing?"

Once he realized he'd been spotted Link stood up and came around the Gossip Stone. His expression as he stared at Pipit was the same as before, only this time there was a hooded amusement twinkling in his blue orbs. Almost as if to say _'did you like your gift, Pipit?'_

Pipit currently had his dark brow furrowed and had his mouth formed around half a word. Before he could ask any questions Link reached behind him a produced a contraption that Pipit had never seen before...It was so peculiar…It almost looked like…A bag pipe.

Link hoisted the _contraption_ under his arm and aimed the other end of the pipe straight at Pipit.

"_Oh. What is this supposed to be, another musical performance?"_

All of a sudden a gale of wind erupted out of the pipe Link was holding and buffeted an unsuspecting Pipit in the face.

He cried out in surprise and brought his arms up to shield his eyes from the dust. The wind was rushing in his ears and was so strong! Was it coming from the end of that _bag pipe_ thing?

He felt the skirt of his tunic begin to blow up and expose the crotch of his pants. Pipit hurriedly tried to smooth it down. These pants his mother made him fit almost _too_ snuggly around his package…and it was embarrassing. "Link! What the hell man! Knock it off!" Pipit roared into the howling gale.

Immediately Link ceased his antics. Within moments Link had another item within his hand. Pipit was windblown and disoriented…but he knew exactly what Link was holding: A whip.

"Link. No-"

The cord of the whip came whistling by Pipit's ear and snapped on the ground right by his foot. "Jesus!" He swore jumping backwards, just as Link brought the whip down again. It nearly whipped Pipit on his front, but instead missed him by a few inches. Link continued his assail with his whip which apparently had a glowing tassel on the end of it. But instead of being completely expressionless…this time he had just the ghost of a smile touching his lips, and his eyes were practically glowing with mischief.

"Link! Link!" Pipit yelled, nearly missing another lash from the whip. "What the _fuck_ man? What is your fricking problem!"

Link flicked his wrist to the left, casting the whip in a sideways lash. Pipit was expecting a lateral slash and was caught off guard. The whip wrapped tightly around his torso, binding his arms to his sides. "Wh-What the hell-?"

Link grunted as he gave the whip a rough jerk forwards, making Pipit stumble backwards into his arms. Pipit felt Link's hot breath fall on the shell of his pointed ear as the other male let out a menacing chuckle.

"…L..Link?" Pipit breathed. He felt a shiver run down his spine and he took in a sharp breath when he felt Link's teeth nibble the ridge of his ear. His face flushed a dark red. Link's voice was throaty and husky when it sounded next to Pipit's ear.

"Heh heh heh…Laters, baby."

Link's whip loosened and fell off of Pipit's body in ringlets. And then, just as randomly and quick as he appeared, Link vanished.

It was now that all of Link's advances started to make sense to Pipit: the '_serenading_', the heart shaped _'gift'_, the blowing, and the kinky whip…it all made sense now. ''But…I have a girlfriend…'' He squeaked.

* * *

**Bahaha! So yeah, this is what I do to Pipit in my game every time it's night time in Skyloft. xD First I jam on my harp on the roof to serenade him, then I blow him with the gale thingy, then I finish off with a teasing whip. The whole time he just stands there and watches me do it with a smile. It got me thinking: what would he actually say and do if Link did this to him in a crack fic? So yeah, here you go. Link is a creepy stalker and Pipit is totally scarred XD Thanks for reading all the way through. Tah tah.**

**And now an excerpt from my crazy ass dreams:**

_On 10/5/11 I had this dream that I was two years old and my parents were throwing a birthday party for me. Although I was only two years old I had all the conscious thoughts and reflections I have as an adult. Well anyways, the party went on for three whole days and there was a mountain of presents outside our house from all the people who came over and they were mostly all seashells (which was awesome). Then , I filled my kitchen up with water and soap to take a bath and everyone got scared and left.  
Then my dream changed to an apocalyptic point of view where possessed Barbie dolls and action figures were taking over the world. I was talking to a He-Man action figure like "why are you doing this?" and he was like "This world is changing and needs a new world order. Look! The 'change' has already started in you!" I looked down at myself and saw that I had been turned into a lizard woman with green skin (like the ones from Oblivion) which was awesome. Then he cut my skin open to show me my blood was blue and I freaked out._

**And then I woke up to an ordinary day.**


End file.
